A Non-Disclosure Agreement for -- Seventy-Five Dollars?
It was the product of thousands of dollars of indirect costs.
Last June, I had a service issue with one of my utilities – a utility which, for these purposes, I choose not to name. (Long story.) I lodged a complaint.
Predictably, the utility obfuscated their way out of it and declined to act.
So I chose to fill out a two page form and file an informal complaint with the regulator (also to remain unnamed).
For months I heard nothing. Annoying, to be sure. But hardly a matter of great moment. I decided not to pursue the matter.
To my surprise, I recently received a cold call from a customer service representative of said utility.
He described how my complaint had undergone exhaustive reviews. It had been referred up and down the line – to engineers, marketing, administration, and legal.
The representative again disavowed responsibility. As a matter of good will, however, the utility was willing to extend a seventy-five dollar service credit. (Not cash, mind you. The marginal cost of a service credit from any large entity is of course vanishingly small – to the point of becoming imaginary.)
“Seems like you spent thousands of dollars worth of staff time to get to seventy-five dollars,” I remarked dryly. There wasn’t much he could say to that.
Oh, there was one more thing. The lawyers were requiring a written release. “You know lawyers,” he said wryly.
(Well, as a matter of fact, I do know a fair amount about lawyers. But I digress.)
“Okay, send me the release. I’ll look it over.”
So he sent, and I looked.
Here it is in edited form. (As an old professor of mine would say, “the names have been changed to protect the guilty.”)
SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT
This Settlement Agreement (“Agreement”), dated as of the date first executed below, is hereby entered into between (Utility) and Scott Summers (“Customer”) for the premises located at (address) (“Property”) with a current account number of xxxxx (“Account”).
WHEREAS, (Utility) denies that it violated the Public Utilities Act and/or the (state) Administrative Code in any manner with respect to the provision of or billing for (utility) service provided to Customer and denies that Customer is entitled to any relief; and
WHEREAS, Customer and (Utility), cognizant of the risks and expense of litigation, have agreed to settle and compromise this dispute as set forth herein;
NOW, THEREFORE, Customer and (Utility) hereby mutually covenant and agree that:
1. (Utility) will credit the Account $75.00.
Customer does release and discharge (Utility) from any and all liability related to any viable claim(s) …..and any other liability for utility services provided or not provided by (Utility) to Customer at the Property on or before the date this Agreement is executed.
Customer and (Utility) agree that the terms of this Agreement shall not be used or disclosed to any third party or used as evidence in any proceeding whatsoever or for any purpose whatsoever, except: (a) to effect enforcement of this Agreement in this or in a subsequent proceeding, and/or (b) insofar as use or disclosure of this Agreement is required by law; Customer and (Utility) further agree that if either party commits a breach of this clause, the other party shall retain the right to pursue all legal remedies at law or equity, including monetary damages and/or injunctive relief.
This Agreement shall be binding upon and inure to the benefit of the parties and their respective legal representatives, successors and assigns.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have caused this Agreement to be signed and delivered by Customer and (Utility’s) duly authorized representative.
Customer Scott Summers
(Utility) (Representative)
As bolded above, “This Agreement shall not be used or disclosed.”
So there you have it. A non-disclosure agreement. For a seventy-five dollar service credit. Achieved as a huge chunk of indirect costs charged to the utility’s customers.
Puh-leeze.
Suffice it to say that I declined to sign.